………………………………….. for R.W., untitled 12/04/2012…………..

Your desires for here are painted in different colours,
I paint mine in black, with white and shades of grey.
Your dedication to other matters is a story written in your Heart,
the only copy unfinished, unpublished, and not for release.

As your Lover, my Love is your Love, but we are not lovers,
Are you a brother, a kindred Spirit, a teacher?
or just another intense and beautiful creature…

I still haven’t learned to stop asking these questions,
to not even wonder, to just let it unfold,
the mystery that it is.

And if the definition came,
then would come the question: …but Why?
And if I heard the answer,
then would come the question: …but for what purpose?
And if I understood it,
then would come this longing: …but I’ve got to know more,
I’ve got to …understand.

And I still haven’t learned to stop asking these questions,
to not even wonder, to just let it be,
the mystery that it is.

Connection to the One is a blessing and a curse,
for as light blinds or darkness falls,
I lament the loss to connection due to attachment I’ve formed.

They say attachment is unhealthy, they teach it in the East,
but when faced with a banquet, the hungry want to feast,
…and so there is still so much, that I haven’t learned.

Perhaps I am dark, afflicted, hungry, greedy, a thief,
I’m unsure of what darkness lurks in my own shadow.
I don’t think I’d ever steal from You,
and you’d never let me into those rooms anyway,
and if You did, I hope You wouldn’t call it stealing….
nonetheless that book is yours,
incomplete, unpublished, and not up for general release.

Nobody likes to lose sight of Love,
You are my Lover, although I am not yours.
As I am your Lover, your happiness is yours, your happiness is your entitlement,
And in your happiness I must be content,
and forget about selfishness, for then it wouldn’t be Love.

I’m not sure why our paths have crossed,
it’s another human relationship, You know I’m a believer,
I like to see these things as Divine and Spiritual,
but then I remember, that I’m asking those questions once again.

I’m not sure what You want from me,
I know it’s not broken trust,
troubles, emotional baggage, cuddles or lust,
and I know You don’t want to see me self destruct.

I’m not sure what You want from me,
company, laughter, connection, sharing writing,
common interests, iced coffee and poetry,
and then I remember, I’m asking all those questions again.

If I could give You just the best of me,
If I could give You health and healing,
If I could relieve You from your suffering,
or order You a hot wife from Thailand, or an android girlfriend
…that’s just what I’d do,
but then I remember, I’m only human.

If our friendship could last a lifetime,
I’d make it so.
If I knew you’d be around,
I’d make it so,
If I could give You my whole Heart,
I’d make it so,
but I’m only human, and that would be silly,
and I can’t control destiny,
other people, or anything.

The Love that shines through You,
it radiates, it’s wild.
Your sparkling eyes,
they glisten and smile.
The wisdom You hold,
it fascinates me.
You’re rare and unique,
as though you don’t belong here,
as though you’re not from here.

And then there’s the fact,
that You paint your dreams in different colours,
and I paint mine in black, with white and shades of grey.

As they say, attachment is unhealthy.
Nothing is permanent, things are only temporary.
the universe is built and understood,
mathematically. Like fractals patterns repeat,
Perhaps that’s why I’m here again,
asking all these bloody questions.

12/04/2012

Actions show up words. Unspoken words can be greater than words. Teach me the Arts of communication and its forms.

10/04/2012

I had Kevin’s abortion, Kevin looked a bit like Gary Numan, Kevin passed on wisdom. Kevin shouted me scotch from the fridge hahahahahahaha. Kevin, we had a good time, I’m sorry Kevin for this poorly written reflection, I ought to have done you more justice, I’m sorry I had your abortion, but that’s just how it goes at 11 in the morning..

10/04/2012

I swing from the shadow to the sunlight, back and forth, is this the way it’s meant to be? Opposites and duality? They say one cannot exist without the other. They say they give rise to each other. I’ve known great isolation and great connection, great pain and pure Love, great confusion and great clarity, I’ve held onto great beauty and harboured great ugliness, great peace and great suffering, my tears have become my smiles as my smiles have become my tears, my hope are intertwined with my fears. I swing from the shadow to the sunlight, back and forth. The shadow, it’s not as warm as the sunlight, but it’s a part of me. I embrace You. My Shadow.

10/04/2012

The man you don’t have, the money you don’t have, the youth you don’t have, the sleep you didn’t get, the aspirations not yet fulfilled, the things you once had… Let the thoughts of these things fade from our minds. Allow the flame of our dreaming to keep us warm all of our days with the Spirit of wholeness.

10/04/2012

How burnt we feel by what it is that we want and we don’t have. Let us focus on what we do have, and let it be enough for the time being, let this make us feel whole, just as we are.

10/04/2012

Weird 5.30am musings….. I call it ”I hope You know this goes down on your permanent record”.

Forms are altered and pop in and out of thin air. It gets harder to breathe in thin air. We expect them to be more transparent than thin air, but when the shoe is on the other foot, and they want to poke into our private lives, thin air resounds with deafening outcry to the opposition of the growth of big brother. Transparency, what is good for the goose is good for the gander. The age of transparency is upon us. Go naked. Go free. Prepare, for it, to all be seen. They cannot hide, for we know they lie, we can shout it loud and make it known, but by then our covers blown, in larger numbers we are alright, when it’s on camera in broad daylight, the independent media, the internet, the whole world watching, the stage is set. We cannot hide, for we are online, neither side, is all that blind .. and when we’re out, they can see, what it is we’re about, in larger numbers, we are alright, transparency in broad daylight.

I once had sex on the front lawn at 9am on a Monday morning. I had just gotten home from work and my boyfriend at the time was passed out on the front lawn so I woke him up and we went for it, people were walking by on the way to work, I thought their stunned expressions were funny. I’m unashamedely open about what I post on facebook, and I don’t give a fuck as fucks are for having not for giving. It’s my private life and I choose to make it public, that’s my choice, I’m not at all ashamed. I’m pro drug law reform, an activist, and an extremist leftie. I contribute to anti police brutality groups, all the stuff the authorities wouldn’t really dig, and they’ve got open access to all the thoughts and information I upload, express and make public. So fucking what. I haven’t murdered anyone. So I’m in the ASIO database, so big brother is watching me? Perhaps they are. Let them knock on my door and I’ll shake their hand and say “G’day I’m Josh”, and I’ll be arrested for what? The crime of speaking one’s mind? The crime of believing what I believe in? Maybe so, that will be a
hell of a trip, the whole of life has been. Stranger things have happened. So our info is stored on a server somewhere and is accessible to those other than ourselves. No shit. And yeh, if someone murdered my little bro and they had to use his FB
account or someone else’s to get to the bottom of it, or if I went missing off the face of the planet due to an ASIO attempt to silence me, and they had to use my post history to figure out what went down, I’m sure me and my family wouldn’t
mind. One day we’ll all be laced with an RFID chip. Telepathy, all frequencies are under moderation, so please refrain from profanity. All messages indecipherable can be found laying on a broken telephone wire. Big brother is watching on cctv as
we walk down the street. Do I think it’s great? Not as such. Do I wish they’d fuck off? Perhaps so. Do I think it’s a good thing if they use such means to track down a serial killer? It probably is.

Given laws are subject to creation and alteration and records are indeed kept online indefinitely it does render one vulnerable to the possibility of prosecution or imprisonment indefinitely at any given time, depending on the whacked out
law they come up with and the ‘nature of the offence’. We ought to be worried, and to take loss of privacies and civil liberties seriously. These types of new legislation are always justified by the notion of if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to fear, and then are used against the innocent and the brave regardless. We know the authorities are corrupt, and that “power corrupts and that absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

I speak openly about heroin, mental health, and prison on facebook. Mind You I haven’t told anyone about the upcoming importation from Asia (jks lol)… - oops … - …. - nah seriously I hope I don’t get interrogated for that, I know nussing, nussing! May our backyard abortion business flourish and fly under the radar of those who seek to prosecute us for what? For poking at a fetus with a coathanger? We’re doing someone a favour here, get out of our face(book)…

09/04/2012

When I was a small child, my grandma and me collected heaps of fallen maple leaves from her garden and put them in garbage bags, and we took them to my kindy and made a big pile, and all the kids and me played in the big pile of leaves - and it was fun!

09/04/2012

romanticism, reveries, dreams, and fantasies … are known as these …. for a reason ….. we walk towards them …. we want to realise them, we see them in our eyes … they’re our ideas, they’re our reveries, they’re our dreams, and they’re our fantasies, we walk towards them….. and they fade like a mirage …. reveries, dreams, they’re known as these …. for a reason …..

09/04/2012

I’m going tomorrow, to visit a friend, who is in hospital, after throwing herself in front of a train. She’s 18 years old. She’s an absolutely beautiful girl. Why do we go through such hell. My Mum, she was an absolutely beautiful lady, and she gave up, and she took pills and drank alcohol until her heart stopped beating. We’re beautiful people. People ask the meaning of life, and call it a big question. A big question to me is Why do such beautiful people suffer like they do. Answer that one.

09/04/2012

My life has been:
85% Self destruction
15% Self Love and Self care

I have an incredible drive towards engaging in self destruction and self destructive behaviours, activities and actions. One part of me wants to pill myself to sleep for days, wake up, and then shoot up drugs. Another part of me wants to live. To get well and to stay well. I’m in a battle, I’m in a battle with myself, and I don’t know how to win. I’m just waiting, I’m waiting to get into rehab for six months. I’ve been waiting for six months. I an only hope the all comes sooner rather than later. I don’t want to turn into the sort off mess of a person who nobody wants to know. I don’t want to lose my friends and upset my family. I don’t want to die, but I do want to take a handful of pills. It’s a battle within the Self. I don’t know how to win. I’ve been doing this for a long, long time, the amount of times I’ve walked out of hell, only to do well, and then one again fall. I don’t want to give up. Sometimes I do.

31/03/2012

I am not an addiction, I am not an affliction, I am not a mental illness. I am a person, deserving of the same Love and rights as all others. I am a whole person, Heart, mind and Spirit. I am not my past, I am not my baggage, I am ME, I am STRONG.

And then I realised I was 5 days off the heroin, and that was 5 months ago, and I had a bandage wrapped around my arm, and I was at a train station, and I was trying to swap a bottle of wine for a knife. And then I realised I was suicidal. And then I realised that I’d been in that state before, and that having slashed up and been suicidal is not a state i’d been in recently for the first time in years, and then I wondered what in the bloody hell had gone on for six months, and I couldn’t peice much of it together, and then I realised it would leave a lot of scars, and then I wondered what I’d done..

I’m inhabiting this space. It’s a tempory space. It has to be tempory. A space where everything is feeling futile. Welcome to the space where everything feels futile and you may as well just fuck it all. Goddamn.

a place of futility
an obsession
confusion, depression
gets on your brain like a cancer
makes you think of things
like self destruction
taking heaps of pills
or shooting heroin
seeking oblivion
kindly lifting the weight off your shoulders
off your tired worried and wired mind
carrying you off on a warm cloud
making you smile
like a kiss from an angel
until it returns again
the pain
the obsession
and you forget
so forgetful
such a short,…
memory
that you were once?
that you are
indeed strong? something reminds you
something comes along
maybe it’s a friend who’s in
a similar struggle
internal war
with bullets and bombs
explosions and all

filling the mind
with all that and more
eating inside
like your empty stomach
eats itself
as you don’t eat
to punish yourself
as the parasite feast
on the banquet
of your heart and soul
consumes your all
and makes you feel
you have nothing left
as you forget
your emptiness
as your friends
or something sparks
within
like the engine starts
again
and you think, shit,
i’ve been in this car before
i know how to drive it
in fact i’m a pretty good driver
so i guess i should drive carefully?
or a tree might jump out at me,
I might not swerve to avoid at the last minute
I might be lucky?
I think myself so.. Time and time again..
Thankyou to You, thanks to you my friend

Get Ready. Everyone get ready motherfuckers. It’s 2012. This shit is going to go down. We’re all gonna grow wings. And board the fukkin mothership for the plannet plue tohe, where there’ll be plenty of toFu and shady ferns, but only if You’ve been a good hippy. You cccccccomin on the mothership motherfukkers, boarding passes ready please, please remain seated, the mothership should be here shortly?

Noah. Noah’s fukkin ark. Noah was a black man. He built a canoe. How can an elephant float on a canoe? You row the canoe, I’ll catch the fish…

Everybody is uneducated. About something? Everybody is educated. About something? Nobody knows anything, about everything? Knowitalls knowitall about everything? Some people know everything about something? Nobody knows nothing, about anything? Even knowing is innate, to the pure?

May sleep find You .. may She take Your hand .. and take You to a land, where You haven’t been, for a while, or perhaps not at all ..
a land .. filled with Beauty and wide open spaces .. where Your Smiles punctuate the darkness in the room .. as your dreams .. are lit .. with crystal Light from Hearts of beings .. and surrounding chalices .. May Sleep waltz in, with a candelabra in one hand, and take Your hand in the other .. and lead You to a land, where she will lay down beside You, and You need not abide, by the noise inside your head .. Only by the gentle Heartbeat .. by the Pulse .. of this land to which She knows the way .. may sleep find You .. may She take You there, and guide You back gently in the morning. ♥

don’t kill yourself just persist
keep trekking
as we all do
as we were put here to do
see the beauty where you find it
where it finds you
open your eyes
and be grateful for it
and for the rest
it’s just a test
and you’re strong enough
to walk long enough
until the end
until the end
You don’t stop walking until You reach the end of the track
You don’t go Home
until your Work is done
and then you’re born
You begin another one
we walk and walk
we’re here on Earth
like a weird school
a training ground
for ourselves and for all
on training wheels
until we’re jettisoned out
as small particles
of Spirit
into space
into the Stars
and the Hearts
and eyes
and minds
of many
who remember

Thoughts just led me back to the pride march, where you can be yourself and still be accepted, where you can be yourself and you don’t have to be anyone or be like anyone else - and still be accepted, where we all come together and find solidarity and unity in celebrating our diversity and our pride, well this is what struck me on the day, how at home I felt .. it’s strange that it doesn’t feel like that all the time or even some of the time but it does just for the one day … so weird, peculiar, fucking queer that I am but don’t seem to fit in whatsoever with the poofters in the clubs, it’s difficult to collect my thoughts on this (difficult to collect them in general lately), but where are my people, it’s hard to explain…

Have You ever noticed, that when You think too much You go bloody spare?
And that while You were distracted, You really weren’t there?
Is that what You’d hoped for, when You disappeared for a while?
To be alone, unseen, unknown? To reappear, as if from thin air?
To tap your Self on the shoulder, turn around, and be back where you were?
Like God grabbed a giant cosmic wooden spoon, and gave it all a stir…

(04/04/2012)

..I felt a bit sick as I walked back into the room, having returned from Oblivion..

I was born 2 months early. I’ll have to live 2 months longer to make up for it..

Will I die before I get to see, the end of the show?
Will I depart before the close, because that’s what I chose?
Will I live to see. Eternity?
Will I at all face. Mortality? …Will You miss me when I am gone?
When I am gone I will join You.
When I am gone You won’t see me.

When You feel so strongly about something, and time painstakingly goes by, and You see more of the picture, as the pain envelopes You, wraps around You, weighs You down like a concrete blanket … and makes You blind to everything You see… On the other side. It won’t be long. Just hold on. Just hold on. ♥ XX

We dance around each other like shadows, like clouds move across the sky, I am in Your eyes.

..we’re the intelligent, the sensitive, the brilliant and the beautiful, …and we only just scrape through..

(04/04/2012)

..and they never told us, pain is a part of the journey, just come back, just come back.. don’t go near that waters edge, just come back.. your heart’s in the dark, your head’s in your hands … they never told you, this was written into the plan .. just come back, just come back..

I am the Love that surrounds You, that alludes You, that shines through You, that blinds You, you’re the confusion I’m tied to, I lied to, I lived with, I gave to, I stole from, you’re the illusion that asked me, to come with you, and I fed you, I bled for you.

i want to read. about Federico García Lorca, and i haven’t read about him. and i want to do that research project. and i haven’t made the time to do it, and I want to be consumed by the sea, and I’ve got your thoughts in me

(04/04/2012)

I’ve been living with kind. of a. disjointed. mind. A fractured Reality. deep in the Heart of me. You stand. and speak. your wwords. i type. like a dictator. but you don’t tell me what to do. i do it willingly.

thank you for the rape. and the eviction.. thank you for the homelessness.. and the addiction … thank you for the arrest .. and the injury .. i caused to me .. and you caused to me .. thank you to the world .. who holds me in it’s arms .. and doesn’t let me go .. thank you to the ones, who are above and who are below .. thank you to the dust and the paychecks i’ve spent .. thank you to the gubment .. thanks for the rest..

It is but a passing moment, whispered through the leaves on a tree in motion, passing by moving swiftly on the winds of time, eternal like we are, tempory like humankind.

It will burn like a fire, as hungry as I feed it, and will stay alight for only as long, it’s embers the glowing the aftermath will fade slowly through the night, and all that will be left in the morning will be a smoky resin, and a sphere of ash on the carpet of my soul.

thank you to the man who bashed and robbed me for five dollars, my medication and a packet of cigarettes. thank you to the man who wrapped plastic around my head and pulled a knife on me. thank you to my doctor and my ptsd and my anxiety. thanks to you i’ve got this inside of me. something’s changed inside. i’m not the same. but i’ll be alright. (05/04/2012)

i used to fear. for back then i was an empty shell. i used to quiver. in the cold like a leaf. for back then i lived in hell. i was once told. of an empty road. a man walked upon. his body sold. a lack of food. a story told. (05/04/2012)

.. the sleeper has woken .. the broker has spoken .. the seal is open .. the wind is picking up outside .. the package fell open .. it’s exchange found floating .. on a broken telephone wire .. the message indecipherable .. the time is upon us now .. the door swung open .. a man standing .. dripping wet .. walks in .. takes the rug .. from under your feet .. wraps it around himself … walks back out into the night .. your door swung open .. your system broken .. the sleeper woken .. the broker spoken .. the deal done .. it’s time to sign .. another one .. i’m ready now .. with my gun .. pat me down .. clear the checks .. pass my umbrella .. it’s raining outside .. feel free to use the facilities .. i may be gone a little while .. (05/04/2012)

I won’t be bought, I won’t be sold, I won’t be lied to, I won’t be told, to go quietly, or to go at all, blood will be shed. I’ve got my gun. I’ve got my gun. (05/04/2012)

Physical construct. Built. Owned. Controlled. Imposed and Secure. Mental Construct. Can be torn from the mind of the Self. Bulldozed, paved over. Like a forest. (05/04/2012)

Anarchy. War. A Peaceful Revolution. S’cuse me while I duck into Coles. I’m out of Nuttlex. S’cuse me while I duck into Gloria’s. I need a caffeine fix. S’cuse me while I ride the train, into town. Please sit up sir, please stand down. You position is null and void. We have You on GPS at the following coordinates. Deploying military drones now. The empire is in our hands. We play this game like a family sitting around a jigsaw at their holiday home on the coast. We cast this web over you like a spell, and you fell. Easily, like a colony, of little ants, busily, hungrily, surviving, telepathically, all frequencies are under moderation, please refrain from profanity.

march 07^th When I stand at the top of a cliff, looking out at the ocean … I’ll close my eyes … and ….my body will dissolve as I become ten million fragments of colour which will explode in all directions and light up the night sky. You won’t hear me say goodbye. But You will see me fly. I may leave You this way. A hell of a way to go, out with a bang.

…bit of depression kicking back in …. not like I want to sit in a hot bath and pop open a few veins, just that I feel like losing myself in some endless ocean or floating above the world in the rain at night time, I want be a rock in a river with the water washing over me, just for a while… just for a while …. let me be, let me feel the soft breeze, hold me gently, just for a while…  - march 07^th

The lane you’re in becomes the lane you’re in, it’s all the same fucking lane. The left lane never ends.  (march 07^th)

Was just thinking…
The future exists only in your mind. We are only ever in the present. The time is always Now. The past exists only in your mind. We exist only in the present. We all share the moment, all living organisms, all at once, simultaneously, right here Now in the present moment, All of existence is here Now, across the whole of the Earth and beyond. The future does not exist. The past does not exist. The only Reality is the present moment. Time is such an illusion. Minutes ticking past on a clock, disguised as time, that which we refer to as time. “I’ve got to be somewhere at 3pm”. 3pm exists only in the mind. The time is only, always, forever Now.  (march 07^th)

If I were prime minister, ….I’d have a big army but they won’t have guns, just big boots and sledgehammers and stuff…. and i’d order them …. to smash up all the shops …. like myer and other retail giants … and to tear up the concrete ….. to reveal the earth below…… and smash up that giant fucking cactus that doesn’t even look like a cactus …… and plant a real cactus there, that will turn into a giant cactus tree ….. and my big army will plant plants and food and psychoactive plants and even weeds like milk thistles everywhere, and no one will be hungry …. and all the people can come and help if they want ….. and everyone can chillax in the gardens …. and as all the city will be smashed … and all the big retail giants and corporations will be smashed …. then people can set up little market places to trade little wears and interesting and fun stuff …. and they won’t need to have permits … coz my cabinet will smash all the stupid laws … and then i’ll order the army to smash parliment house .. and then i’ll retire and come and build a tree house in the great big garden that was once a city …. and the army will take off their army clothes, and there army boots, and they’ll come and smoke some joints under a big weeping willow tree, and everyone will laugh and be more relaxed than they’ve ever been, …..if I were prime minister….  (march 06th)

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

//mayday/feb.26th/ untitled//
……………………………………………………

If we let the terrorists win, surely we will die. Surely our great society will be overrun by Islam.
If we let the socialists win, surely we will die. Surely our great society would destroy itself.
If we let the greens win, surely we will die. Surely our great economy would collapse.
If we let the gays win, surely we will die. Surely our traditional family unit would break down.
If we let the anarchists win, surely we will die. Surely violence and civil disobedience would run rampant in our great society.
If we let the conspiracy theorists win, surely we will die. Surely the great Illuminati would fall, surely the conspiracy theorists would feed on our souls.
If Rudd wins the leadership battle, surely we will die. Surely we could not survive.
If we make room for fearlessness surely we will die. Surely we would lose our way…
…I’m scared of the future/I’m scared of the now/ I’m scared to leave the house/I’m scared of my own shadow/I’m scared of others/..Surely I’m not in the ASIO database/…for I am a good citizen of this great nation/I’ve paid my taxes/I don’t go to work on the disability pension / I’m Honest / It’s worth a mention / ….surely I have nothing to Fear? .. Surely I will die….

………………………………………………………………………………………..

GONE (The Raw Unbandaged Wound) - A Love Story - 18.02.2012 @ 2.45pm
………………………………………

You’re a.
Baby mind,
curled up inside
a silent,
scream.
To crawl around
an empty,
room
around, around
without a,
clue.
Around, around
without a,
sound.
lost within a,
dream.
Where everything,
fails,
to connect with,
anything,
and you aren’t found,
anywhere,
and your tears in
the moment,
ask who are you,
anyway,
and there really is,
no reply
for a babies mind.
A hidden world,
where no one,
can reach,
you,
and you cannot,
make a,
sound,
only crawl around
the empty,
room,
on your
hands and knees
is quite a,
state,
to feel and see.
Left to the,
unfamiliar
cut from the belly of,
the mother.
Alone to feel,
the meaningless,
left to see the
black the
white the
colour is,
it?
you really can’t tell,
anybody….

……………………………………………………………………………………

untitled -  17.02.2012

………………………… ………………………… …………..
The Lethargy Monster came around today,
I politely requested he go away,
he pushed past me,
rather rudely
and said…
“looks hell comfy
I think I may stay a while”.

I wondered how long he may stay,
as he’s the most burdensome company…
especially during daylight hours.

As I lay there,
too lethargic to move,

and craving craving craving
and craving craving craving,
with my thoughts on alcohol and speed,
and ways to make the monster go away,
I was hoping that maybe…
Sleep would find me,
just for an hour or two,
- and she did.

Sleep found me laying there,
Sleep in all her warmth and darkness,
void and devoid of desire,
and projections of hedonism,
self medication,
or prayer and meditation.

Sleep found me laying there,
just Sleep,
with all her dreams and projections,
void and devoid of Reality and straight lines.

Some hours later I woke,
Sleep having left a sleepy trail in her wake,
Sleep decked out in all her attire and evening wear,
inappropriate for daylight hours,
however stylish and fittingly becoming for the Goddess of void and dreams,
devoid of Reality and straight lines.

Some hours later I woke,
as per usual slightly askew,
however refreshed and somewhat anew.

With a visit from Sleep and the Lethargy Monster
The void and the lingering,
devoid of loneliness, and somewhat weightless,
dreaming and waking,
pottering and waiting,
and just having a bit of a look around,
I put on the kettle,
and thought of You.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

untitled - 15.02.2012
…………………………………………………………….

Josh,
smokes a pipe but not a bong,
lays bricks, works hard, and is quite strong.
Josh and Josh, well, we get along.
He likes his Carona and gets a boner,
for babes with nice cans, and especially black ones,
coz that’s his pleasure and his fun,
he’s tanned from workin’ in the sun,
his limestone blocks weigh a ton!
His dogs Rocky and the beautiful Molly,
he takes them walking when he’s off his trolly!
His mate Elaine, she’s pretty cool,
but the bitch, goddamn, she’s too good at pool!

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untitled - 07/02/2012

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Fear is the ego saying ‘You can’t do it’, brave is the Heart that defiantly says ‘yes, I can, fuckin’ watch me!’, wise is the Self that is deaf to the ego altogether…

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The challenge was to incorporate ten words into a poem … The ten words were: fate, game, curmudgeon, fart, confidence, unity, venomous, jelly, flamboyant, resonant…

…This is what I came up with:

Untitled - 04/02/2012

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I played a game of Russian Roulette,
with a curmudgeon of a poofter, I remember as Brett
He raised the gun to his head,
and said this is called ‘fate’,
dropped a stinker of a cum fart, and then fell on the slate

I walked out of the loo with flamboyant confidence,
Thinking this is called fate, as a soundwave became resonant
I tuned my ears to the venomous transerberance
and heard a voice tell me
that unity is imminent…

I went to a church and then I went home
I inhaled rump steak and then had a cone
But there was still something missing,
a void in my belly
so thinking of Brett
I ate Aeroplane Jelly.

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untitled - (03/02/2012)

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Drug dependent drug peddling pricks of Perth stay well away, I do not want to buy what You have to sell today, I must keep mySelf well as there is work to be done, there are things to create, as I embrace my fate and walk my path without dealing with the aftermath of a nosedive bender spiraling down, I’ve been down, I’ve been down and down and down and out and that’s now not what my life’s about, so drug peddling pricks of Perth don’t cross my path, I’m asking this from the universe. Don’t tempt me with your moggadon, your jumped all over ‘mdma’ and your filthy scag, Fuck Right Off.

Help me to get stronger as I am helping myself and getting stronger, so my life here is longer/ I don’t want to linger in your world and lift only a finger to pull out some cash and fill up a spoon when you trigger my trigger, stay out of my world and good luck with yours as you spiral down and lose yourSelf or make it out and find yourSelf.

As the plane of Reality awaits me, is calling me, has been calling me gently towards Love and sustainability for a long time now, as the angels of the Earth and the stars have been calling me to the Heart, I say my final goodbye to your diluted perception of Reality as I leave that world which I once inhabited. Twenty two days and a beginning moment awaits.

Motion sickness and Self care take it easy out there, if You get it easy then fuck it off it’s not worth the effort You didn’t put in and warrants not a payoff but a pay out of your pocket to the piper, a real side swiper or a head on collision fraught with confusion, perhaps fatality or delusion as You get what You pay for, a fallacy, an empty illusion.

Lift me higher mother Gaia as I was dreamed into creation allow me to Wake for it’s twenty two days, a new moment awaits.

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untitled - 01/02/2012 @midday
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There are some things that I Love about You.
I Love your green eyes that sometimes turn blue
I could look into them for hours,
and your smiling eyes make me smile too
I Love your voice, it’s husky and you’re mellow and things are chilled and relaxed.
You say I’ve soft skin but I Love your soft touch and your tender kisses and caress very much.
I could lay in your arms and kiss you for hours.
I Love the way You turn me on, you’re versatile, you’re sixteen, but not a child.
I know a bit about You and I’d like to know more,
‘coz mate you’re stunning, and You intrigue me.

Punishment and tenderness
I can’t decide what I’m in the mood for
have cuffs / rope, will You travel?
do You like to give it rough?
would You cuddle me and kiss me tenderly if I changed my mind?
will You come and collect me and Love me for a night?
or tie me up and get kinky
I guess it’s up to You..
I just need some therapy
will you come and share soft kisses?
I think that would be nice
don’t know if you’re in the same mood
the same frame of mind
thinking of punishment and tenderness
and just can’t decide
in seeking something at the moment
that I can’t seem to find
so I’m looking for a quick fix
but it may not be right
so just to scratch an itch
come and get me
I’ll be your bitch
if your Heart wants to share
sensuality and desire
come and get me
we’ll explore our inner fire

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11.11.11 @1.44am ..quickly penned in response to a fb status update about finding love/breaking up..

Untitled

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04.07.2009 - Sam 2